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Poster: light into ashes Date: Aug 17, 2010 6:31pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Being Garcia

The article, by the way, for those who haven't seen it -
http://www.levity.com/gans/SFFocus.html

Good piece, kind of a one-page synopsis of the themes of the Dark Star bio. (One of the benefits or drawbacks of that book, depending how you see it, is that it was compiled very soon after Jerry's death, so lots of the interviewees were still feeling upset; so it becomes very drugs & death-centric. If it had been done 10 years later, I bet it would've had a rosier picture of Garcia.)

Another 'cutting' story from the early era:
Jerry was working at Dana Morgan Music, and a guy came into the music store, took a guitar off the wall and just started playing really fast and furious. Then all of a sudden he stopped. He put the guitar back on the wall and Jerry said, "What's the matter, man? Run out of talent?"

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Poster: ringolevio Date: Aug 17, 2010 7:48pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Being Garcia

I can never quite grasp this idea that Garcia was "cutting." I don't find the "Run out of talent?" remark cutting. It's just a little joke. It's funny.

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Poster: unclejohn52 Date: Aug 17, 2010 8:08pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Being Garcia

Yeah, that's hilariously brilliant. Also shows a jealous streak you'd never suspect.

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Poster: light into ashes Date: Aug 17, 2010 9:24pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Being Garcia

It is funny, to us. To the guy playing the guitar, who knows? Sarcasm frequently hurts people. He might've thought it was hilarious; he might've stomped out of the music store cursing the jerks who worked there!

From what little I've read about Annabelle Garcia, she seems to have picked up some of her dad's trait of being blunt & sardonic.
At Jerry's funeral, she said, "He may have been a genius, but he was a shitty father." (Words not heard often enough at funerals!)
And at a memorial afterwards, to a crowd of grieving deadheads she said, "We love each and every one of you because you put us through college. And we didn't have to work at Dairy Queen."
Sounds like someone I'd like to meet...

Anyway, on a different subject, she tells this story of her relationship with her dad when she was a teenager (the early '80s) -
"He'd call me up on the phone and nod off while he was on the phone. There was nothing I could do except wait til he woke up and then finish the conversation. That kind of stuff is naturally really disturbing. I'd go visit him and nothing would happen - I'd just sit there and watch him burn holes in things with cigarettes and fall asleep and then wake up, do more drugs and then fall asleep... It was really awful. There wasn't much I could do. I felt really young and small and he was so grumpy at those times anyway. I was half-scared of him a lot of the time... I realized that most of the reason he was doing it was because he was so damn bored. He had his music, but that was about it. He couldn't go outside anymore because so many people bugged him.
"Everybody else would say, 'Well, why don't you say something?' And I'd say, 'I'm afraid that if I say anything to him, he won't want to see me anymore.' That was my big fear at 13, 14 years old... Everybody felt they were walking on eggshells around him. And there were always creepy people coming on tour and making sure my dad was going to live through the tour. It was the epitome of the rock star's mistake - the worst you could do and still not die."

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Poster: ringolevio Date: Aug 18, 2010 4:42am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Being Garcia

"It is funny, to us. To the guy playing the guitar, who knows? Sarcasm frequently hurts people. He might've thought it was hilarious; he might've stomped out of the music store cursing the jerks who worked there!"

Well I guess so but it sounded like the guy was showing off. It just always sounds to me like people hint at "dark" things about Garcia, oh you didn't know how awful he could be, and it's things like this. Now, obviously his parenting skills were quite lacking; that's a lot more serious than random snide remarks to strangers.

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Poster: AltheaRose Date: Aug 18, 2010 6:00am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Being Garcia

Yes, and talk about drugs getting in the way ... in front of his daughter? Persian, I presume? How very wise and sensitive. What's really sad, too, is the expectation that was put on his daughter by others. At 13 or 14, she was supposed to talk to him -- not them? Passing the buck, elevated to an art form.

Well, I tend to think there are positive flip sides to negatives (and vice versa). The two halves of a coin, as it were. Not with the Persian-in-front-of-the-kid thing, but I do think that non-confrontation and passing the buck and non-decisions is part of what allowed the band to survive as a band. Got a problem? Shrug and ignore it. Dysfunctional on a personal level, but I do suspect it contributed to their longevity. (Though not, of course, to Jerry's in the end ...)

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Poster: ringolevio Date: Aug 18, 2010 6:19am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Being Garcia

Agree. Aside from abuse, or complete abandoment, doing heroin in front of your 13-year-old is about as bad a parent as you can be. That's a pretty sad story.

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Poster: William Tell Date: Aug 18, 2010 7:12am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Being Garcia

I have to admit, I am really struck by those that either 1) don't believe anything he said (how utterly bizarre...why do you choose to "believe" in his music then?), 2) don't accept any criticism of him as a person (eg, the oft cited examples of misbehavior toward others, and esp his "parenting" skills).

To me it so de-humanizes the man as to make any love one might have for him meaningless.

I certainly hope, that as LiA alluded to, my kids can laugh and cry and do whatever they like at my wake, and certainly recall with fondness and frustration the many failings and few successes I achieved as a father, a teacher, and whatever else they might dream up...but to imagine they'd sit around and only say the sorts of things folks say about JG, and actually deny that I was being an asshole when I was, well, I hope I've raised them better.

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Poster: ringolevio Date: Aug 18, 2010 8:10am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Being Garcia

Pretty much agree. I think when people say they don't believe anything he says, they don't mean that quite literally; it's more like, keep some skepticism in regard to what this person says. Doesn't mean *everything* he ever said was not believable. It isn't bad advice in any case, but he was after all a drug addict.

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Poster: micah6vs8 Date: Aug 18, 2010 7:42am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Being Garcia

I am separated by too many degrees to make judgment calls about this statement , or that action , by Garcia . No human has ever been in his shoes . How would I know how he walked ? I certainly don't have the stones to think , " Oh this is truth about him , and this is BS " . It's a slippery slope at the beginning of that path . So unless events / statements are cross referenced , no benefit of any doubt . I would rather focus on the music , which I do know about .
We all can still feel it .

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Poster: ringolevio Date: Aug 18, 2010 8:13am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Being Garcia

Furthermore it is particularly hard to understand the reality of a heroin addict if you haven't been one. From what I understand it's basically the hardest substance to get yourself off if you are truly addicted. And Jerry did make gargantuan efforts to get off it. We definitely know that with some people, brain chemistry is going to make this hellishly difficult if not impossible. It's easy to judge but none of us know what he may have gone through trying, nor can we say we'd have been able to do it.

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Poster: William Tell Date: Aug 18, 2010 10:48am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Being Garcia

There, now there's less to confuse us both! Thanks, Ring!

This post was modified by William Tell on 2010-08-18 17:48:18

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Poster: ringolevio Date: Aug 18, 2010 8:47am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Being Garcia

William Tell, there are times I really have no idea what you're trying to say. :) sorry.

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Poster: William Tell Date: Aug 18, 2010 8:49am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Being Garcia

Hey--drop me an email if you want; lost your addy...I'll explain my cryptic envelope.

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Poster: William Tell Date: Aug 18, 2010 8:08am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Being Garcia

Don't get me wrong--as a scientist, I have more skeptic in me than anyone on this board, but I am also a realist. I generally "trust" statements by his children about their father, and Hunter, about his best friend, and so on and so forth...there's more than enough evidence to draw a number of strong inferences.

I don't deal in the "truth" as absolute anyhow, so we may be talking past each other. I just don't preface everything with "take this with a grain of salt" cause I assume ANY thinking individual does that, with their own speech as much as anyones, eh?!

What I strongly object to is that folks that seem to be in the "denial camp", refusing to recognize or synthesize any data on JG, appear to be doing so because they have an axe to grind (their love of JG, whatever). Not saying you're in that camp, but there are some of those campers around...

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Poster: micah6vs8 Date: Aug 18, 2010 8:25am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Being Garcia

WT , this is kinda where we were last Friday , before I had my brain freeze . I do take secondary sources into account ( Annabelle , Kemper , Hunter , Barlow ) . But ultimately , for me , it's the music .
I think we are on the same page here . Maybe I'm just reading margin notes . :)

And don't say anything about my Jerry or I'll whack you with my axe . Freshly sharpened I will add .

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Poster: Jobygoob Date: Aug 18, 2010 7:48am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Being Garcia

Man those comments from Jerry's daughter ere so heartbreakingly sad. I have to hope and believe that there were some brighter moments too during the times that JG was clean and healthier in the late 80s and 90s. It's a shame that those darker moments are the ones that scar and burrow deep into the psyche. I'll hope she has or will one day come to terms with the darkness and learn to hold on the joy.

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Poster: light into ashes Date: Aug 18, 2010 12:21pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Being Garcia

She did, early on - Annabelle seems like a chipper lady, and she did have brighter moments with her dad as she grew up.

The last time they met in '95, she brought her fiancee to meet him.
"He gave us these big, drawn-out lectures about how to make a marriage work. And it basically boiled down to, 'Don't live together, don't see each other. Have separate houses and have somebody to take care of your stuff.' I'm like, 'That's very realistic, dad, thanks!' But he was totally serious. He was very nervous as well...he was expected to do some fatherly thing, and he was always terrified of that kind of stuff - having to lecture or give opinions or advice. He was very hands-off, and this was putting him on the spot a bit."

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Poster: micah6vs8 Date: Aug 17, 2010 9:54pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Being Garcia

I too would enjoy a conversation with Annabelle . Sounds like my kinda lady . The second part of your post frightened me . Brought up visions of my past ( for many others too , I'm sure , sadly ).
Annabelle may be blunt , but that's a trait Dad lost pretty quickly . As soon as Parish or a 1% was hanging around to take care of the dirty work .

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Poster: bluedevil Date: Aug 18, 2010 8:21am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Being Garcia

She and Acacia Scully, Rock's stepdaughter, used to hang at shows a lot in the 80s. In fact, you could usually score Jerry band tix off at Annabell at the Stone. Some of the stories she told about her dad and David Crosby were pretty frightening. Junkies are junkies, no matter the level of fame, and perhaps even worse when they are just given stuff.

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Poster: AltheaRose Date: Aug 17, 2010 9:15pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Being Garcia

He was in his 20s, smart and sardonic. Dang, I'd hate to have things that I said over a period of 30-plus years analyzed for consistency, jealous streaks, revelations of cuttingness or hidden demons, and so on. (On the other hand, it would mean I was famous, which would have its consolations, LOL).

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Poster: mickmac Date: Aug 17, 2010 7:07pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: Being Garcia

Dark Star is definitely a good read. An oral history of Garcia by those who were close. A couple of years ago I sent it to someone at the forum after I read it. Hope it is still making the rounds!